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J'aurais été Libéré Aujourd'hui

Une femme se réveille pendant la nuit et constate que son mari n'est pas au lit.

Elle enfile son peignoir et descend voir où il est. Elle le trouve dans la cuisine assis devant une tasse de café.

Il parait bouleversé et fixe le mur.

Elle le voit essuyer une larme en avalant une gorgée de café.

- Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas chéri ?

Le mari lève les yeux de son café, il lui demande solennellement :

- Tu te souviens, il y a 20 ans, quand on s'était donné rdv, tu n'avais alors que 16 ans ?

- Oui je m'en souviens, répond-elle..

.

Le mari fait une pause, les mots lui viennent difficilement.

..

- Te souviens-tu que ton père nous a surpris en train de faire l'amour à l'arrière de la voiture ?

- Oui, je m'en souviens, dit la femme en s'asseyant a ses côtés.

Le mari continue : - Te souviens-tu quand il a pointé son flingue sur ma tempe et qu'il a dit :

"Ou tu épouses ma fille ou je t'envoie en tôle pour

20 ans" - Je m'en souviens aussi, répond-elle, doucement.

Il essuie une autre larme et balbutie : - J'aurais été libéré aujourd'hui!

Un Monsieur Regarde Son Acte De Mariage

silencieusement, de façon très attentive, depuis deux heures.

Son épouse, qui est assise près de lui anxieuse, lui demande:

- Chéri, mon amour, que regardes-tu ainsi ?

- Je cherche s il y a une date d'expiration.

He Shouldn't Have Crawled In There

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.

The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.

Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place...

smack his bottom again! '

Dieu M'a Fait Belle Pour T'attirer

Un homme dit à son épouse:

- Comment le bon Dieu a-t-il pu te faire aussi belle et aussi stupide?

Celle-ci répond: - Laisse-moi t'expliquer, Dieu m'a fait belle pour pouvoir t'attirer.

Et il m'a faite stupide pour que je te trouve attirant.

Les Femmes Utilisent 30000 Mots Par Jour

Un homme lit le journal et dit à son épouse:

- Savais-tu que les femmes utilisent 30, 000 mots par jour et les hommes 15, 000. La femme lui répond:

- C'est facile à expliquer, il faut toujours répéter deux fois la même chose aux hommes.

L'homme se retourne vers celle-ci et dit:- Quoi ?

Happy Birthday

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became

aparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up

beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way

home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and

told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I

passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I

could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill

effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before

I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and

exclaimed delightedly:

'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner

table.

I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold,

the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until

he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the

pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of

the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let

one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck

running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from

my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The

stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other

room, I went on like this for another few minutes.

The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone

farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few

more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and fold ed my hands back

on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband

returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked

through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner

guests seated around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday! '

I fainted!

Me Ak Balenn Li

se te yon me ki tap viv ak sevant li lakay li men gen yon lwa ki pase chak mwa pou me yo fe tes sida, chak mwa me a toujou fe tes sida li li pa janm gen anyen, men le lap fe tes sida yo li pran san l pou kont li epi li voye sevant li an potel nan laboratwa chak tan se konsa,

Gen yon mwa me a fin pran sanl li li bay senvant lan poul pote ale sevant lan tann le li pala li li pran san pal pou al fe tes tou, men kounye a sevant lan pa ka vin ak 2 san li jete pa me a lale ak pal lan, yo finn fe tes lan nan 2 semen yo voye rezilta bay me, le me ouvri anvlop li we li fe sida, me arele anmwey o mezanmi se konsa le mond fini la, se konsa le mod kouvri ak peche la si telman le mod pa bon menm balenn peche tou oui.

Obama Change Air

Obama fek achte yon avyon, li rele li Change Air!

Aristid di msie se yon ti paveni, mwen te genyen 4 avyon

lè mwen te prezidan, mwen te rele yo:

ChimAir, MagouyAir, VolAir ak KidnapAir

Preval di: ah si mwen ta achte yon avyon, koman mwen ta ka rele li

mezanmi; Samba Boukman di msie: fasil monchè rele li TafyatAir!

Have a good weekend

Jocelyne

There Were 3 Men

A German, an Italian and a Redneck were on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:

1..

To be shot

2..

To be hung

3..

To be injected with the A.I.D.S. virus.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom he was dead instantly.)

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)

Then the Redneck said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Redneck fell down laughing.

The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy. Then the Redneck said "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

So finally the warden said, "What the heck is wrong with you?" The Redneck replied, "You guys are so stupid...

I'm wearing a condom! "

Fanm Yo Pa Bon

A man decided one day to buy a new cellular phone.

He quickly ran home to try it out on his wife. He went into the bathroom to call his wife sitting in the adjacent bedroom.

He then dialed their number.

His wife answered the phone.

The husband began to whisper sweet nothings to her in a disguised voice.

His wife quickly answered in a whisper, Look I can't talk to you today the Jerk came home early and he is in the bathroom.

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